Love on the Streets
Tim & Alyssa
By Robert Davis
Everyone falls in love, but homelessness can make it much more difficult to do so.
There is no such thing as “privacy” when you’re living outside, much less anything that resembles a safe place to call home. Laws that criminalize basic human actions like sleeping, sitting, lying down, or sharing food in public spaces make romantic courtship much riskier for people targeted by these laws as well. Add to that the trauma and stress of unsheltered homelessness itself and falling in love seems impossible.
For Alyssa Will and Tim Jones, who have been dating since August 2023, falling in love has been one wild ride. Early on, they rode the highways back and forth through Arkansas and Missouri together before they embarked on a journey to Colorado. But their car broke down shortly after they got to Denver and even though they work odd jobs every day except for Sunday, Tim says, their income isn’t enough to afford rent, food, and a hefty mechanic bill altogether.
But those challenges haven’t stopped Alyssa and Tim from building a romantic relationship together. It’s hard work, but necessary nonetheless, Alyssa said.
“Whenever we get our time together, we go outside for a walk and hold hands like a new couple,” Alyssa said.
Denver VOICE spoke with Alyssa and Tim about how their relationship started and what it takes to fall in love while experiencing homelessness. This interview has been lovingly edited for length and clarity.
DENVER VOICE: First, I have to say I love how you two smile every time you look at each other. How did you first meet?
Tim & Alyssa Photo: Giles Clasen
TIM: I was living in Arkansas at the time with my ex-wife and kids. My ex and I had a lot of issues that ended up tearing us apart. So, I moved out and started staying with a friend. That’s when I met Alyssa the first time. I think we played Mario Party that night, She ended up moving back to Missouri shortly after we met and I didn’t get to see her for a while after that.
ALYSSA: We stayed in contact while I was in Missouri. We talked about life and whatever was on our mind. I was staying with my mom at the time, and I ended up leaving her house because of a disagreement. I got arrested and put in a holding cell for a couple of days. Tim didn’t hear from me while I was locked up and he didn’t like that. He was the first person I called when they let me out and I got back to my mom’s place. I told him all I wanted to do was see him and play Mario. So, he drove out to come get me and we’ve been together ever since.
What do you like about your significant other? Do you have a favorite body part or a favorite part of their personality?
ALYSSA: Tim is so funny. There have been times when he’s told a joke and I almost cry because it’s so funny. He also gives the best hugs. I could be having a panic attack and all he has to do is hug me and I’ll be okay. My pain and frustrations kind of melt away when he hugs me. His hugs make me feel safe. I didn’t feel that way often when I was growing up in Missouri. Tim is the first person in my life that has made me feel safe like that.
TIM: Alyssa makes me feel loved. I can tell her all my secrets. If I share something I’m passionate about, she’ll nurture it. My ex never did that in the 14 years we were together. Alyssa makes me feel complete in ways that I’ve never felt before. It’s kind of scary when you love someone enough to get hit by a car or take a bullet for them.
When and where did you two share your first kiss? What did it feel like?
TIM: She told me her mom was going to put her out on the street because they couldn’t get along, and I didn’t want that for her. I drove out to pick her up, and I don’t know what came over me. After I saw her, I kind of ran over and gave her a big hug and kissed her. She pulled away at first because she knew about my ex-wife. I told her that we had separated before I drove out to get her, and we just kissed.
Where was your first date?
TIM: Burger King in Arkansas!
ALYSSA: I still have the crown I got that day. I keep it in the glove compartment of our car.
What happens if you get into a disagreement? How do you resolve it?
TIM: We’ve had our ups and downs. A lot of downs. But we keep working through it. Whenever we get into a big fight, we usually take some space for ourselves. I’ll go one way and she goes another, but we keep talking. We talk on the phone instead of texting because we want to hear each other’s tone. Talking about your feelings is a big part of being in a relationship. If you can’t talk about them, then the relationship isn’t going to work.
How do you keep the romance alive in your relationship?
ALYSSA: It can be hard to be romantic or intimate when you’re sleeping in a car or living at someone else’s house temporarily. We sometimes stay with Tim’s brother, but there really isn’t space for us to be romantic there. There are people walking around all the time and there’s no privacy.
TIM: She calls me handsome, and I tell her she’s beautiful every day. I know some people don’t like public affection, but we don’t care. I’ll hold her hand or kiss her. The only thing we don’t really get to do is be intimate in that “special” way.
What does the word “love” mean to you?
ALYSSA: Love is putting someone else before yourself for whatever reason. It’s about focusing all your energy on someone else to the point that they feel warm. I have had a hard time showing people that I love them in the past, but it’s easy to love Tim. I show him love through words of affirmation and physical touch, even when I’m feeling lazy.
TIM: Love means everything. It’s sacrifice; it’s change; it’s about doing things for someone else that you wouldn’t do for yourself.
Jason and Larmarques
by Elisabeth Monaghan
In the three years since they first became a couple, Larmarques Smith and Jason Martin have lived together in an apartment, stayed at the same shelter, or spent their nights tucked away on the streets of Denver. Recently, they were part of a sweep, where city officials transported several individuals from an encampment to a nearby hotel that has been converted into a temporary shelter.
Larmarques and Jason met at a party, and neither could deny the spark between them. Upon learning Jason was visiting from Wyoming and not exactly thrilled at the thought of returning, Larmarques suggested that Jason stay with him. What started as an instant attraction three years ago has grown into a loving and supportive partnership.
For the second our Valentine’s Day-themed “Love on the Streets” profile, Denver VOICE spoke to Larmarques and Jason about how their relationship has grown while looking for places they can shelter together.
Denver VOICE: How would you describe your relationship?
JASON: Larmarques is my partner. We do everything together.
Talk about how you met.
Larmarques (l) and Jason (r) Photo: Courtesy of Larmarques Smith
JASON: I came to Denver with a guy from Wyoming. I’m a city boy, and I had been living in Wyoming for three or four months. When Larmarques presented an opportunity for me to move here, I took it.
LARMARQUES: I understood why Jason wouldn’t want to go back to Wyoming. I jokingly commented that Wyoming is so exciting and a such great metropolis, that everybody loves to not go back there. I also let him know he was welcome to stay with me.
How has your relationship changed since you first got together?
JASON: We’ve gotten closer. We’ve gotten into a couple of big fights, but I respect him, and he respects me.
Larmarques, you’ve been a vendor since 2016 and have spent most of that time without stable housing. What is the difference between living on your own, and now, with Jason as your partner?
LARMARQUIS: I have a little more sense of security. I know that there is actually somebody who has my back no matter what. Sometimes, when you’re living on the streets, you miss out on that because as much as you want to, you can’t trust everybody. So, I’m thankful for him being there. Just having a second pair of eyes. I have his back, and he has my mine. I can see a situation totally differently than he can, so it’s nice to have his take on things.
What do you love about each other?
JASON: Larmarques accepts me for who I am. I’ve had a lot of trust issues. My life could be a couple of novels from what I’ve been through. Now, I have somebody who actually cares about me. And it’s been a while since I’ve had that. I feel human again. Before, I didn’t. I was lied to from an early age about who my father was, so I had identity issues and always kept people at bay. But when you find somebody that really cares, it’s a good thing. I like having that feeling.
LARMARQUES: Jason is intriguing. He is so different from the person that you see, or the front that he puts on. He puts on this really masculine, “I don’t give a fuck about the world,” persona, but he’s actually a big soft teddy bear, cuddling thing. He’s just as romantic and soft and caring as I am. He just doesn’t show it to others.
In past issues of the Denver VOICE, you both have written about walks you’ve taken or places you’ve gone together. Can you tell me about one of your most memorable adventures?
LARMARQUES: This past summer, we were staying in one of the local shelters. In the middle of the night, Jason got up to use the bathroom and was kicked out of the shelter for having a lighter in his hand. He wasn’t smoking, but they saw it and said “You’re outta here. He didn’t do anything, but he got kicked out. I left the shelter, too then, because I’m not going to let my partner go out there alone, and I’m going to stay with him in solidarity. We ended up staying outside, under the stars, and it was nice.
JASON: After that night, we decided to take the bus up to Boulder to check out the shelter situation there. We probably stayed in Boulder for a month or so, and we went back and forth for a while.
So, what brought you back to Denver?
LARMARQUES: Mike Johnston had just become the new mayor, so when the city started sweeping encampments in Denver, they also started putting the people up in hotels. The buses had been free, so it was easy to go back and forth, but when RTD started charging again, we decided we should probably go back [to Denver]. It’s actually more convenient for us to be here because our methadone clinic, my doctor’s office, and all of our things are in Denver.
JASON: It was more viable that way.
Other than going on adventures, are there any routines you have or rituals you do together?
LARMARQUES: We like to have coffee together. When I got back from traveling for Christmas, I bought a kettle and a French press so we could have coffee together in our hotel room.
JASON: Larmarques makes great coffee – which reminds me of another reason I fell in love with him. He can cook. He cooks very well.
Do you find people are less accepting of you as a gay couple or as individuals experiencing homelessness?
LARMARQUES: Denver’s usually pretty good about accepting people who have different types of relationships. I don’t think we’ve had any issues with that part. As far as homelessness, we have had issues with people. For example, if you have a backpack on, people automatically assume that means you’re homeless.
JASON: I did have a guy throw the “f ” word at me when I was walking with a girl and two guys along Colfax. Larmarques wasn’t with me, but the guy called me a faggot, and I beat the shit out of him. The people I was with pulled me off of him because they worried I could’ve killed him. They pulled me off, and then we left. But that was just the guy’s ignorance. When people have a problem with us being gay, it’s few and far between. For the most part, people look down on us for being homeless, but not because we’re gay.
Before you moved to the hotel, how did you find time for intimacy?
JASON: We didn’t have any.
LARMARQUES: We could have soft moments anywhere, but as far as like, being intimate, it was really hard. We just didn’t. It wasn’t that we didn’t want to…. It’s hard to “get down in a tent.” There’s not enough legroom. There were times when we were invited to someone’s home, and we would have privacy there. I am really glad we have a place now.
Now that you are in a place, how is it different?
JASON: It’s normal now. I’m a creature of society, but it’s nice to have a place that is our space, where we can be alone.
LARMARQUES: It does feel normal. We can take a shower together. He can wash my back, I can wash his.
How do you work through any tension between you?
LARMARQUES. We argue and then, we just move on to the next thing. We might mention it later, but it’s not a “hold this over the other person’s head” thing. We say what it is that bothers us and then we just move on,” We just have to talk about it first.
JASON: It’s good to have someone who can tell you stuff they’re upset about, and you don’t get mad. It’s more of realizing, “Okay, I guess I’ll take a look at myself.”
How do you guys support each other emotionally?
JASON: We just know what each other wants.
How do you make your relationship work?
LARMARQUES: It’s important to always have a sense of wonder. Just be open to suggestions and don’t be afraid to be open to or consider other ways of doing things, or else you’ll be stagnant. It’s nice to be able to be with someone who’s just as open-minded to other ways of doing things about things as I am because I can say something completely off the wall to Jason, and he can take it. It’s nice to have someone to bounce ideas off of.
JASON: We realize that everybody needs to be more open-minded. Be open to suggestions and not so quick to judge somebody because when you do that you might lose out on a lot of meaningful experiences. I don’t judge anybody because I’m trying to learn something new. There is no religious book or doctrine that says you can’t make life better for yourself. That’s what we’re doing. Making life better for ourselves and each other.